Today I got to air a bunch of grievances and it felt nice. I'm drowning I'm so so so behind on so so so much work. BUT I have zero meetings on Friday and I am very grateful.
I don't know, I just feel really really okay today? Maybe I just broke my brain enough that I've attained a level of dgaf that I'm just chill. Whatever, I'll take it. I am not picky.
I picked up Maintenance Phase [podcast] and it is SO GOOD. Also I love that their podcast website is a fucking wix site. Beautiful.
I am also just wearing exceedingly comfortable cheeky short things. I mean they're real shorts. They're also real short. And so so so so soft. I'm never wearing anything else ever again.
I am going to go buy paint today. Cos I have to. Idk maybe I'll enjoy it.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
I had a pretty okay weekend. Did I work on my doctorate at all? No. Should I have? Yes. Did I spend my entire Sunday fruitlessly looking for non-ankle socks, gloves that actually keep your hands warm, and then building an excel spreadsheet so I can have GRAPHS of my workout progress? You bet.
I did score a new pair of Sauconys that are ugly fabulous. They have more tread, which will be good for winter time walking.
It's frustrating seeing all the options spouse has available in men's athletic wear, where I have to struggle SO MUCH. I forgot I'm supposed to look cute and who cares if I freeze to death. El oh el.
Anyway, just a quick check in. I want to futz around with more spreadsheets.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
I have developed this thing where I don't feel comfortable unless I have earbuds in? That's weird. Or, not weird. Just different. Definitely unexpected. But it definitely helps me to focus.
I'm in this weird hole where I can't catch up with all of my podcasts and I could just cut a few but NO. Idk. It's also weird. Like I can't just relax. I think there's a pattern here but I don't feel like acknowledging it.
I'm still irked about [thing] at [work] but I have soothed a lot of my rage with dipping into a lot of templating. Hooray.
It is so damn nice out this morning and we had to move our regular morning walk to this evening cos MEETINGS for both of us and it makes me sad. I want my 1.5 hours of no screen time!
I should catalog which podcasts I'm enjoying but I'm feeling lazy and it feels like work. Maybe later.
I should also update the ASMRtists I enjoy. Cos they make my life so nice. Thank you, wonderful folks who help me to not be an embodiment of panic attacks.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
Somehow I only just now today realized that a lot of ASMRtists are on Spotify as well as YT. This is great because now I don't feel like I'm missing out on visuals. Hooray.
I am still irritated AF about some dumb bullshit at work, but I soothed a bunch of my ire by working on templates for future stuff. I love templates. They are soothing. They make me happy. I am in complete control of the templates. Lol
Still working out every day. Still feeling good. I am eating loads more, but like I'm burning a ton of calories so I guess it makes sense. I don't actually care what I weigh as long as I end up looking like Vasquez in Aliens. I am a simple woman with simple wishes.
Speaking of simple wishes, I am very curious how the hecc people returning to offices deal with not being able to fart whenever they want? I am a master of the "mute+fart" on Zoom. I never want to go back to having to be strategic and stealthy about farts. Deliver me.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
This week is rough. I am fucking exhausted. Internet was out for 12 hours yesterday. I have very little motivation to get anything done. RIP RIP RIP
I'm still working out every day. I kind of slimmed down a couple of exercises for today because they were...really intense. But I did the routine besides that part so I think that's okay. No point in hurting myself. Then I won't be able to work out at all. It's hard to believe I'm 10 days into this program already. Like that's really good! 1/3 in. I can feel good about that.
I just really need like a week of zero human interaction. Just cats and recreational internet and nothing else.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
Day 4 of project vanity is in the books. My legs are still sore af, but I can feel recovery happening. I'm committed to not drawing down on our 5 mile daily walks. I don't want to lose that gain in an attempt to nurse this other, new, muscle pain. I remember when walking even half of those 5 miles was really hard. I'm proud of that progress.
Other news other news. I don't know. I'm pretty tired. I'm feeling...unmoored at work. I'm trying but I'm pulled in too many directions and no matter what I say no one seems to care? I vacilate so hard on whether I am happy or not. It's fun. Or the opposite.
I also have to make a hand-written card for a person at work and that is ALSO HARD. I don't do feelings. And I don't want it to sound trite/manufactured. But I also am afraid of accidentally making it about me? I hate this. I don't understand how people enjoy things like this.
Anyway the sun is out and it is beautiful. I am going to do a quick meditation after this next meeting and re-center myself.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
Day 3 of working out. This is 85% a vanity project. Yes I want to be in better shape because right now I am only aesthetically "in good shape" (I'm slender by genetics). I DO want to actually take care of my body cos you only get the one and I'd like it to not be inadequate for what I want. BUT if I'm being totally honest a lot of what I want is to be ripped. I grew up with a mom who looked like Linda Hamilton circa Terminator 2 and I want that. So at 40 I'm finally getting around to it. Both our goals are to be ~beach ready~ by April 2022 because [REASONS] and I think it'll be possible. I'm excited. I haven't felt excited about working out before. Now that I am I can say it's much more enjoyable. Even though my legs still hurt like ABSOLUTE HELL still today. It's a good pain. Productive. Results-driven.
I feel like I felt like I was going to have a lot to say here but I guess I don't. The weather is cooling off here, sort of. It's a trade off. Morning walks are becoming more difficult because the sun is coming up later and it's harder to get them in before my daily onslaught of zoom meetings. Since it's not a billion degrees out we are walking afternoons/evenings. I'm gonna get my 5 miles in. Maybe someday he'll actually convince me to start running, but I DOUBT IT. I am a sprinter. And I don't like runner's builds. Again, I am very vain. Hahaha
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
I started working out yesterday. We've amassed a tiny arsenal of workout equipment. Nothing fancy, some kettlebells, some dumbbells, a bosu, and an ab roller. Anyway, I've been off-again/on-again with working out but I'm really thinking this time I can make it stick. Partly because we've now been walking 4-5 miles every morning and it's been SO NICE to see how my stamina has improved, but also because I just have really nice workout clothes now and I've been working on making my space where I work out more amenable to me...being in it and working out.
So what have I been doing? I am using workouts on Darebee , which is a site I love because it's free and kind and nice. The program I'm doing is The Gauntlet and I chose it for 2 reasons. 1)I wanna use my dang kettlebells!, and 2) kettlebell workouts are supposed to kind of kick your ass into shape extra quick because they exercises all work muscle groups as opposed to individual muscles. I'm on day 2 of the program which makes me really happy. I tried also doing Darebee's daily challenge AND workout of the day yesterday and accidentally kicked my own ass so hard that everything extra-hurts today and so I'm just gonna dial that WAY down until I'm at a more sustainable place with the targeted program that I am undertaking. Someday I'll be to the point where I'll do Program, Exercise of the Day, Workout of the Day, AND the Monthly challenge all each day. But let's maybe save that for October. I am already way outside of my comfort zone for starting a new thing NOT at the beginning of a month and NOT on a Monday. (I thought if I started on Sunday it would feel less intimidating and that seems to have worked for my weird brain.)
That's all for now. I am tired and I have hours of work left to do.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
Woof where has this almost month gone? Stuff is weird and different and that's okay, it's just taking some time to adjust.
I am trying so hard to buckle down and work on my thesis but I just hate it so much. This is unsustainable. Not the doing it, the NOT doing it. I need to get it done and acting like a petulant baby about it is not it. Ooofta.
Got an award at work. Instead of feeling good about it I just immediately ratcheted up my personal expectations which are already too high and so now I feel like I deserve to be fired. Wheeeee.
I'm gonna go stare at a bunch of research papers and try to make myself care about any of it.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.