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Telling Without Telling
archived: 27 May 2021
tagged: Writing
Is this week over yet?/Fuck I need to pick a fucking haircut for Saturday when I go to this total woo-woo salon down the street. I joke about "I hope they don't make me join pastel QAnon" but I also kind of mean it. And by "kind of" I mean completely. I have always found woo-woo shit to be cult-adjacent because it is, and now it's just fully no-longer adjacent. Whatever anyway I'm sure it will be fine, but I swear to god if they ask me to buy a fucking crystal I'm going to freak out.
That aside I got my morning off to a good start. I've taken care of all of my chores, and actually spend some time with my plant children. This week has been a cluster and I just haven't given them individual attention like I prefer to do. My green onions are doing great. Of the 10 bulbs I planted 6 are now fully upright and the other 4 are coming along nicely. They're all alive, I'm just waiting on them to straighten up. I'm extra super excited to just be able to lop and chop a few stalks for green onions whenever I feel like it. I'm sad because our apartment ins 99% awesome, but I don't have room to plant veggies and the only thing we DON'T have is a patio/private outdoor access. I miss growing tomatos and peppers. It's okay tho. We are within walking distance of a farmers' market so I'm getting loads of fresh deliciousness every week.
I'm ready for June. I'm ready for summer. I am NOT ready to start losing daylight every day. I say this often, but I cannot handle autumn. I cannot handle winter. I cannot handle 12+ hours of dark. I just can't. It makes me want to curl up and die. I really really really need to get to the equator. I need the warmth, I need consistent sunshine. I need to not live in this shit ass country. I need to do more to get what I want to become what I have. Cos this is fucking killing me.
Anyway, I have paperwork I need to push. Let me go prep for today.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Supply Run
archived: 25 May 2021
tagged: Writing
Last week at work was a disaster of chaos mitigation. This week....is the same, and so it is worse? I am so very tired. I don't know how to fix how tired I am. I don't want to be in the office, but I also think maybe I'd have better work/life separation, but also given the nature of my work, I'm sure I'll still end up in meetings at 10 pm and 4 am and that's just the way it is.
That aside, yesterday at home was a tiny bit of chaos because the gate to our parking lot broke for like an hour yesterday. Thankfully spouse got stuck outside on the way in from work, rather than being stuck inside and not able to get to work (even though I think any excuse for him to not be at work is good cos his work sucks).
The other day I learned my youngest brother is a total woo-adjacent internet grifter. I don't know if I mentioned that before? I don't think I did and I'm too lazy to scroll back. I'm not linking him here cos 1) not interested in any real-name ties, and 2) I'm not giving him any accidental support. No fucking gracias.
In plant stories: I planted up a bunch of green onions I bought at the farmers' market because I felt bad that they were flowering in a final attempt to spread their genetic material after being picked and having their roots shorn off for eating. I gave them the same treatment I gave my amaryllis; namely I put them in dirt and watered them in really well and they're all doing great. I'll just treat them like chives and cut low enough to allow regrowth and have green onions/chives forever. Seems like a good plan. Probably should cut off the flowers but I also have so many stalks in this pot that I'm not super worried about it. Plus the flowers are cute. I love allium flowers.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Being Released
archived: 24 May 2021
tagged: Writing
Whew trying to fight those Monday feelings. I have a ton of work I have to do, so I'm gonna keep this short. Or maybe I'll come back to this mid-day. Let me just let this simnmer for a couple of hours. I am still adjusting to moving training to the mornings. It's nice, but now my afternoons feel rushed in a different way.
It has been cloudly like 9 days out of the last 10 and it is slowly killing me. I hate it. I am a plant and I need sunshine, dammit.
Speaking of plants, I got 3 more this weekend. This afternoon/evening I'm going to macrame up some hangers so that I can put my trailing plants onto hangers and thus also create space for 6 more plants. It is a healthy preoccupation, I swear.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Throughout Species
archived: 21 May 2021
tagged: Writing
It's Friday. I'm not supposed to be working today by company fiat, but I have to do a thing so I am. I'm keeping it as minimal as possible and ducking out at noon.
I'm almost done with my dumb diversion course. 2 more sections and a post-test. Huzzah. I keep reminding myself that in the end it's less $ than the ticket itself AND it keeps the offense off my record, which means my insurance will not be impacted. So it'll gt done and it'll be fine. Plus I've really nailed down the "I'm not actually paying attention" workflow so it's a piece of cake.
My uterus has decided to ruin my life today. I don't normally have cramps anymore cos IUD, but every once in a while it likes to remind me that it exists and that it has a ~process~. Thanks, I hate it.
Okay I'm gonna go focus on prepping so that I don't feel rushed. It is good to feel peaceful. Also, I need to order a white board on wheels. Probably a big one. Lemme go find one I like.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Minimum Posted
archived: 20 May 2021
tagged: Writing
These stupid driving diversion courses are interminable. I am on section 3 of 8? 9? I'm trying to do one a day.
This week at work has been completely bonkers. It's fine, I actually feel like I'm getting recognized for working hard. But I'm also about to put a hard "no" on a thing that one dept wants me to do. Sorry not sorry.
I am very ready for the weekend. I am deleting Teams off my phone for my own well-being.
I wish I had anything exciting or useful to say or add.
Oh! This fucking tweet is the only perfect thing on the entire internet. I fucking scream-laughed for a god damn hour. (The image is also a link. Yes, I put alt-text on it. No it is not showing up.)
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Made Landfall
archived: 18 May 2021
tagged: Writing
Did I mention I got a speeding ticket last week? I totally did. $124 for going 40 in a 25. TO BE FAIR this was the flow of traffic. I'm not making an excuse, but I do know that going 15 mph SLOWER than everyone else, regardless of what is legal, is far more likely to cause an accident. And also I don't care. I always speed and I'm never going to change.
So anyway I'm taking this (thankfully) online diversion course and it is SO BORING. I am SO ETERNALLY GRATEFUL that I don't have to lose a Saturday to this nonsense, tho. Small favors from COVID, I guess.
In other news yesterday at work was fucking crazy. For a shit ton of reasons I cannot talk about at all. But suffice it to say it was a whirlwind. So was this morning. But I'm through it. And I feel reallly good! I also moved my training group to the mornings which has been LIFE CHANGING. I am "done" and I can actually get ahead because I have 2.5 hours left on the clock. No more playing catch up for 4 hours the next day every morning. Hooray for me.
The downside to training first is that I forgot to eat lunch (at 10 am because I am 1000000 years old) and now I'm starving but spouse is home soon and I don't want to be not-hungry for dinner.
Life is a rich tapestry.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Should've Kept Running
archived: 17 May 2021
tagged: Writing
Spouse's brother went home yesterday, thank god. I am so exhausted from sharing space. And I am on day 2 of what I'm guessing will be a week-long migraine cos it's supposed to rain all god damn week.
I've used my PS5 like 6 times, and 3 of those times I was fighting horrible stick drift. So I guess I'm buying a new controller today. FFS
It is too early for me to be as irritated as I am with a person I have to work with for the next month. I am not even supposed to be logged into work yet.
I'm gonna set myself up with a nice ASMR playlist while I get prepped for today.
Oh and I have to take a stupid driving course cos I got singled out in a sea of folks all driving the same 15 mph over the speed limit cos that's how we all drive here. SIGH. I guess I'm grateful to covid cos at least I can do this online and ignore it in a background tab as opposed to losing an entire Saturday.
I'm going to go and try to not be a dick to all these people I have to meet and train today.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Pattern Recognition
archived: 14 May 2021
tagged: Writing
Whoops moved a couch like 4 times on Wednesday and overstressed the muscles in the arm I broke back in Jan 2020 and convinced myself I had re-broken it. I ended up getting x-rays yesterday just to make sure I didn't ruin it. Spoiler alert: it's fine. Thank goodness.
Spouse's brother is in town to get stuff out of the house as we prep it for sale. (Don't worry, we're all vaxed.) Very first trip in the elevators at our apartment and he cusses out someone cos they're vaping. Now, to be fair, this is a non-smoking building. BUT COME THE FUCK ON. I have to live here! Jesus fucking christ.
And I just hate sharing my space. I feel like I can't do anything (by anything I mean farting loudly and whenever I want).
Anyway anyway he leaves on Sunday and I'm so grateful. I just. He's fine. I just. If he weren't related we'd not be friends. We have nothing in common. He and his wife are very granola, woo-adjacent, "gotta drink our bone broth" kind of people and we just aren't? Idk it's all awkward. I am trying to not be a pain in the ass.
He's really into public health and claims to care about science but then also says "The CDC keeps contradicting themselves" when no. That's not how science works. Our understandings are always evolving and changing and you have to accept that what we "knew" yesterday could be vastly different from what we "know" today and to boil it down to "but it's different today, which makes them stupid and bad" is so fucking ignorant. Christ.
Like how we are seeing more and more reports about people getting covid even when vaxed. Now there are a number of reasons. No vaccine is 100%. There are different strains. Etc, etc. So spouse and I continue to mask when we are out. I am not willing to eat at a restaurant, even outdoors. BiL is chafing because he wants to go eat at a patio and I just fucking refuse. Plus he has the palate of a child who only eats paleo and so he only wants to eat boring white people food and that is just not my fucking life.
Okay I'm going to stop complaining now. I have work I should do.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Tight-Knit
archived: 12 May 2021
tagged: Writing
My motion sickness is getting out of control. I was watching a YT video and now I feel like I'm going to die. I guess I should bring this up to my doctor.
Yesterday after I posted I accidentally flooded my apartment cos I started filling up my watering can and walked away and forgot. Normally I put it in the sink, but this time I did it on the counter. RIP. On the plus side, the floor is laminate, so it wasn't ruined and our rug is FINALLY almost done drying after a full 24 hours propped up on our kitchen chairs. NEVER AGAIN. Fuck.
I'm offf to try to record another track for our album before I have to go to a couple of meetings I don't care about. 4 songs to go!
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Time Flew By
archived: 11 May 2021
tagged: Writing
I am halfway through recording vocals for our songs for the new album. I am excited. I am going to try to record more vocals in the spaces between meetings this week because next month of weeks is just so damn hectic. So yeah.
I did finish getting all of the levels for the previous season of Destiny 2 before the new season starts today. I feel both accomplished and kind of like a trash person. Womp. Like all I want to do is play it, but it also isn't ~productive~ so I guess I just indulge and then hate myself. Wheeeeee.
Started set 2 of my teeth aligners yesterday. Achey but not nearly as terrible as the first set. I'm excited to have Nice Straight Teeth again.
I'm going to go water my plants and make sure they're looking sparky. I trimmed them up yesterday and put some into a jar of water, but I think I might just let them go? Idk I don't actually want any vines but also I have a hard time letting plants go, even if it's just a stray offshoot.
Everything has officially survived and is thriving post-move except my string of pearls. Can't figure out if I'm over- or underwatering but I guess losing 1 out of 25 isn't terrible.
I also need to figure out how to damp this headache. My usually 800mg of ibuprofen ain't cutting it. Blech.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Subsequent Explosions
archived: 10 May 2021
tagged: Writing
Happy Monday. With sincerity. I have had a good day because, while I have a lot of work to do, I don't have many meetings (hardly any at all) so I'm able to interface with my actual work at my own pace and it is very nice.
I'm going to try to record some vocals for our new album. I'm extremely self-conscious and this is my first time doing it in our new apartment and I AM VERY NERVOUS.
Anyway, I'm super tired because I get up too damn early, so I'm gonna capitalize on what energy I have left before it's gone.
I learned that my moon cactus (it was a gift, those things are stupid) base is a dragon fruit cactus?! So now I have this bb that is growing like BANANAS fast and getting really big and I need to decide on how to replant it so that it will grow more upright as oppose to literally out to the sides. I had no idea. But putting those color cactus, which grow really slow, onto a dragon fruit cactus, which grows really fast, is awful. Either the "stem" dies because it doesn't get enough water, or the "top" dies because it is getting too much. Thanks capitalism, for continuing to ruin absolutely everything at all times.
I am also extremely nauseous because 7 hours ago I tried to do a thing in Destiny 2 and I was standing too close to the screen (I was trying to block sun glare) and got dizzy because my propensity toward motion sickness is slowly approaching completely debilitating??? So fun.
Off to record vocals, which is less crabby-making.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Gotta Get Away
archived: 07 May 2021
tagged: Writing
So when I supercharge my phone using my laptop charger it bleeds off the charge super fast. So I guess I'm going to stop doing that now. Hahaha
I got up early today because I have been up at like 4:30 to 5 am every day and I just lay in bed until I fall back to sleep and I decided that that was stupid. YMMV, but I feel really good. Like, I am Morning Person. Obnoxiously so, maybe. I love watching the sun rise. Shoot it into my veins.
Oh nooooo I'm going back and listening to a song I recorded vocals for for our new album and I need to...fix some things.
This update was going to be longer but I need to work on music.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Where We Are
archived: 06 May 2021
tagged: Writing
I switched over to a Spotify duo plan, but I think I might just accustom myself to using Bandcamp. It's not a Joe Rogan platforming trash company that barely compensates us for our music. I am spoiled by shuffle and playlist and honestly I could be a Better Consumer/Appreciator of albums and artists. I can put the money I save NOT subscribing to Spotify to supporting artists on Bandcamp.
In work news, today is 7 fucking consecutive hours of meetings. I am so fucking tired already. I have this micro break for like 20 minutes and I've already been in meetings for 3 hours. Deliver me from Zoom, please. On the plus side, tomorrow is a mandatory no-meetings day. I am so excited to just listen to Junglepussy on repeat at my fucking leisure for 8 hours. And Japanese Breakfast . And all of my own music .
I gotta say, I haven't felt this excited about music in a long time. Spotify ruins music. A la carte bullshit ruins music. I guess I should also re-examine my relationship to Netflix, etc.
I think that tomorrow I'm gonna push real hard to get the vocals done for our next album. Maybe this weekend I will dedicate it to buidling up/working our online presence. I don't even know if anyone reads this website and it's the only place I do promotion? What a silly person I am.
I am struggling with whether to create a personal bandcamp for buying folks' music, or if it is better/makes more sense to do it through our label profile? The internet is hard, y'all.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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No Friend's Stranger
archived: 05 May 2021
tagged: Writing
People who develop cat medicine in pill form are sadists. One of our cats has a viral sinus thing, so, like malaria, I have to give her pills for a week straight every time she has a flare up from now to....forever. SIGH. I am grateful we are in a place financially where I can just drop $200 whenever on our pets. I mean, we always did, but now it doesn't hurt or cause me to have to juggle bills like a madwoman.
I don't want to work today. At all. It's fine, I am just very fucking tired.
I don't have anything interesting to say that isn't work-related, and that is depressing. I need to give myself more concerted time to do me things and be a person who doesn't just work and sleep.
I was complaining to a friend group in chat earlier about how I wish I didn't hate running, and one of my friends was going on and on about how she wants to be fit but her body "won't let her." Now, this makes me bonkers cos she's also a hypochondriac. Think Xenobia in Ethan Frome. Just very desperate for attention. Anyway, I know I'm not fit cos I'm lazy. BUT my disdain for another person's lies about how they "can't" when they just don't want to may push me over the edge.
My prime motivators are disdain and anger, so I guess whatever gets the ol' engine humming. I'm now looking to subscribe to Darebee (they are good folks) and being like "yeah I hate running but now I'm running marathons" because I'm a petty petty petty person.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Right Before
archived: 04 May 2021
tagged: Writing
Side effects seem to have abated. Aside from my rash from dose 1, which is hanging on for dear life. I suppose I am impressed by the tenacity. I really hope I don't develop a rash from dose 2 another 2 weeks out. I'd prefer to be done with side effects.
Today the sun is out but it is chilly. This is a crummy trade off, IMO, BUT sunshine >>>>> so I'll stop whining.
I have to take Hello to the vet today. She is our cat who loves my spouse best, and doesn't even like to be in the same room as me. So catching her and putting her into her carrier is going to be A DELIGHT. Spouse is at his first day of federal jury duty, so he couldn't help even if he wanted to. She has this persistent upper respiratory infection that even 21 days of meds didn't treat. She is sneezy and mucusy all the time and it's gross as well as, I'm sure, unpleasant for her. So off to the vet we shall go.
Nothing much else going on. I am just perpetually buried until 14-16 hours of work that I'll never be caught up on. But I guess that's the definition of job security.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.
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Those Who Pass On
archived: 03 May 2021
tagged: Writing
Happy May. It's gloomy today but that's okay.
Spouse and I got our 2nd doses of Pfizer yesterday. His arm is sore. I had a fever spike up to 100.1F before I thought to take my temperature and then hastened to get it under control with copious (doctor-recommended) amounts of ibuprofen. I still have a fever today, but it was at 99.3F when I took it this morning and is now back down to 98.0F (I run at 97.8F) within a couple of hours.
All this is to say that I am not at all remorseful about getting vaccinated. Though I will say that there are definitely groups of people I don't tell about this because I know that too many people hover on the edge of being anti-vaxers, and my TOTALLY NORMAL AND WITHIN EXPECTATIONS side effects will NOT be used to sway them into some anti-science bullshit. I'll be fine. And soon I'll be able to get my hair cut and get my nails done (all while still wearing a mask because I believe in courtesy), but where I won't be in a panic for being near other human beings.
Spouse finds out around noon today if he has to report for federal jury duty. Well, finds out if he has to show up this week. Federal jury duty requires being on hand and on call for an entire month. Fucking wild. I hope he doesn't get sequestered. I am also disgusted because he only gets compensated $35/day, which is $4.38 an hour, barely more than HALF of federal minimum wage. How is that even legal? (I could look it up, maybe I will). Okay, looked it up. It's cos jury duty isn't employment. The money is to offset the costs (gas/food). Fucking bonkers.
Anyway, I'm gonna go drink a gallon of water. My temperature may be down, but I'm sweating like a pig, and normally I'm cold, so I can tell I'm still fighting through this.
Please:
Be kind to yourself.
Fuck the police.
Keep social distancing.
Wash your hands.
Wear a mask.
GET VACCINATED.
Stay safe.