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 Charges 


archived:  25 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

I am applying for jobs I don't even want because I want remote work. I am trying to find a position that will allow the spouse to leave his shit job and also allow us to ferret enough money away to move to Spain. Or let us move to Spain immediately. Getting there is so much easier if you already have a job. And if I had a remote job I wouldn't have to live in any particular location. I also keep clicking on Amaz*n jobs even though I'd rather pull out my own tongue than work there. I'm closing in on having to go back to work and it's killing me. It isn't safe and no one cares.

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for the $$ I'm asking for. But it is putting me in the position to turn down jobs. Bleh.

All the news is bad always and forever. I don't know why I read it.

I'm gonna go try not to think about jobs for a minute.

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Smooth Pursuit 


archived:  23 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Creeping up on halfway through week 3 of 4 of this boring summer project. Extra pay is nice. Finding a different job would be better.

I got offered a position in Barcelona, but they didn't offer nearly enough (slightly more than half what I get paid now) and the window to me getting an EU work permit was going to be Really Fucking Tight. I'm sad. I want to get out of here so bad. I want to move to Spain. I know it's not perfect, but anything, literally anything, is better than here.

Our old, sick cat is feeling loads better. She gets her aluminum hydroxide twice a day, and her subcutaneous saline solution once a day and she's back to acting like a kitten again, though one that sleeps A LOT. But she's feeling well enough to get up on furniture and wake us up at 2 am cos she wants EXTRA BREAKFAST so I call that a win. Spouse's mom informed me that we cannot travel anywhere unless she's either dead or we take her with us. Which is fair. Giving subcutaneous fluids is a pain in the ass on the best days.

I keep thinking I'm going to be able to pull off cleaning my living space while getting this work done and it's just not happening. Like, part of it is I'm too distracted by Video Games, part of it is that I just really fucking suck at managing my time. Maybe I'll see about taking an online time management course. For funsies.

Tomorrow I have to sit through a remote tech meeting at my job that is going to end in me probably getting reprimanded for telling certain assholes to go to hell. It'll be cathartic!

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Spike 


archived:  19 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Happy Juneteenth!

I'm still feeling nauseous and disgusting. On the flip side, I started working extra early this morning and lo, I've gotten more done in the last hour than I have in a long time. I need to convert that to energy on my thesis proposal.

I applied for jobs in NZ and Barcelona. The Barcelona folks creeped my LinkedIn. They probably won't hire me because I don't have a website/portfolio, which makes me sad, but whatever. This is more action than I've seen on my profile since...ever. Sigh.

Going to the dentist today. It's gonna be weird. Spouse has been in cos he had a tooth incident in April so he's way less pressed about it than I am. It'll be fine. I just would rather never leave the house. Ever.

Our governor just said yesterday that if government offices in any city or county requires people to wear a mask then they will not be allowed toget any CARES money. Yup. That's the both metaphorical and literal state I live in. It is unpleasant.

I'm gonna go try to not feel barfy so that I can get through this teeth cleaning wihtout incident.

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Facsimilie 


archived:  18 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Thunderstorms are so good. I love this kind of weather. That and blazing hot sunshine. That's all I want. Gimme gimme.

I feel like shit today and I'm not entirely sure why. Probably just a case of everything catching up with me. I should go eat some lunch. I'll probably do that after this ASMR video. I've decided to work in bed today because sitting up makes me extra nauseous. Yesterday I got really dizzy while just sitting down. I hope this isn't one of those weird, outlier covid cases. I can't handle that. I'll definitely be doing my afternoon remote meetings with the video off.

I applied for 2 other jobs in NZ as well as one in Barcelona. I have strong reasons for wanting to move to both places, though Barcelona presents more difficulty language-wise, NZ presents a host of financial reasons that are more difficult (read: NZ is expensive AF to live in. Housing is a fucking nightmare.).

It's weird listening to my coworkers right now talk about how they refuse to leave my workplace cos they're too invested. The only thing I'm invested in is getting out of this country and being financially stable in a place that isn't hot garbage (listen, I know all about the Vox party in Spain. I'm not stupid.)

Anyway, I'm going to go eat and try to feel less nauseous.

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Restorative 


archived:  16 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Everyone in curriculum writing is exhausted and irritated by the process. We're only 1.5 weeks in to 4 weeks of this. Lol. I am a little concerned that my group is going to get our work done too quick and we'll either be cut loose early or we'll be asked to do other groups' work because they are pokey and terrible.

I just want a world where my efficiency means I'm done early and I still get paid the amount promised. I don't think that's too difficult.

Tomorrow I'm going to be throwing a "known-universe" sized shit fit in my technology adoption department meeting. I don't want to get into specifics, but suffice it to say that we're fucking the professionals and the poorest people in my workplace. So BUSINESS AS USUAL.

The trials and tribulations of Ableton Live on our desktop computer continue to be so god damned annoying. And it isn't something that buying an UBER-MACHINE is necessarily going to fix because many of the folks complaining about Live 10 have tremendously amazing machines. So I guess yay I'm not unnecessarily throwing money at a problem?

I was hoping to get more vocals done today, but I don't think that's going to be the case. I also just want to play Destiny all the time because as much of a terrible future as it is, I still feel like it's better than here. Which says a lot, I guess.

I applied to another job in New Zealand. I don't think I'll get it, but what is the dumb saying, "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take"? I'm going with that right now.

Everything is so awful, and we're watching Superstore and it's just too correct about how shit everything is in this country and I just cannot live here anymore. I can't.

Anyway, more of our consignment stuff sold at our fave guitar shop, so we're picking up a check today and that makes me excited. I've worked so hard at budgeting, and like I'll even be able to pay for my penultimate semester at BSU without having to dip into our savings and I am just so glad that we're at a point where that's a thing that we can do.

Sometimes I just stare at my YNAB spreadsheet so I can feel good about SOMETHING.

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Opportunity for Revision 


archived:  12 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Today has been kind of a lot? Idk I am exhausted from working and it's barely noon. It's fine. It's a ton of money.

The world is exhausting. I don't know why I'm watching the news but also I can't STOP watching the news.

I would say more but I'm also feeling sick today. It's my fault. I ate nothing but Fruit Loops as lunch and snacks all day Monday-Thursday. Now I am in agony.

This is going to be a short one because I'm not in it to win it today. Sorry y'all. Maybe more this weekend. Maybe I'll just get rested up.

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Suggestions 


archived:  11 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

We use Ableton Live 10 as our DAW for our music production. A couple of days ago it started running 30-60% higher CPU usage even though I haven't changed anything about our music production machine. I troubleshot everything from every angle that I could and so I sent in a help request to Ableton. I spent [too much] money on this, the least they can do is help me out!

Anyway I was super angry, but now that I've sent off the help request I'm feeling less angry and more like "they better fucking solve this." THAT ALL BEING SAID I'm very seriously considering buying a way fancier computer and also an external hard drive. I don't want to spend the money but I also maybe if I have an EXTREME enough machine then maybe I'll eventually have so much CPU space that it'll all just work correctly. Plus the idea of a completely clean machine to put all of our plugins and stuff on makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm trying to pay attention to this training I'm at but it's boring and I don't like how slow my small group works. I think I complained about that on here yesterday. It's fine. I'm just letting go and trying to do what I can to be productive without wanting to also do a murder.

I am feeling calmly manic today? I don't know how to describe it. Like, I want to get things done and distractions (read: video games) are just making me angry. So that's good I guess.

I wish I could go swimming. This is my first real Covid-19 complaint. I don't mind being alone. I like being helpful to others by sewing masks. But damn I miss going to the public pool every day and soaking up that delicious vitamin D. Sigh.

I'm waiting to hear that I wasn't picked for a career in Wellington, NZ. And by hear I mean "never hear cos no one ever tells you you didn't get a job" which is the worst bullshit ever. Just tell me I'm not hired, damn!

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Shifts 


archived:  10 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

It stormed a lot last night and now it's super cool outside and I'm so excited to have my windows open. I've got jeans on and I'm chilling and it's great. I am actually looking forward to finishing spouse's last 2 masks since it'll be in this nice, breezy room.

I hate working with other people on shared documents. People take FOREVER to read, and then once I've done all the work they go in and change it and make it wrong. Tedious and unnecessary. Just enjoy the gift I gave you. Damn. Anyway I closed the doc and when it's all wrong tomorrow I can talk about why it's not my fucking fault that people are illiterate.

Maybe I shouldn't be listening to my "GET MAD" playlist on Spotify while I'm working. Not the right headspace.

I've got masks to make today and a chapter to actually work on so I'm going to go do at least one of those things. I just need to pick either a movie or a new show to put on in the background while I sew. Then on to Destiny 2 cos I wanna shoot some aliens. It'll let me relax.

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Conceptual Flow 


archived:  09 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

I'm a busy little bee today. I'm supposed to be in a training, and I ~am~ but I've been trained on all of this stuff already, so I'm making additional masks for le spouse. I am working on getting it so we both have 7 so that I only have to wash them once a week. Easier to manage and wastes WAY less water.

I'm also trying to squeeze in listening to podcasts while I'm working cos I think that's way more interesting than the nonsense we're doing. *shrug*

The second toadlilies single is FINALLY in the correct spot on Spotify. Music distribution is a nightmare and I'm just very grateful that  Distrokid  is as responsive and incredible as they are. I sent them such a long email and they were so prompt in replying to me!

I am going to spend this afternoon working on my chapter three. Thankfully we're warapping up in about 3 hours so yay!

Woof forgot I was updating this and just left it open.

I definitely pre-ordered the new Destiny expansion. I consider this my treat for NOT buying those purple Dr. Martens I wanted (I already have 2 pairs, it was silly.) And anyway I don't care. I wanted it and now I have it.

I'm finishing up spouse's mask and then I'm gonna go settle in for some ASMR and doctoral writing.

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Less Difficult 


archived:  08 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

I started a month long project for work today. It is TEDIOUS. I don't understand how we've been remote working for 3 fucking months and still no one knows how to use technology. Anyway I'm mostly just doing this so I can pay off my stupid broken arm and get slightly ahead on tuition for the upcoming autumn and spring semesters.

I applied for a position at a government ministry in New Zealand. Do I think I'll get it? No. Do I desperately hope that I'm wrong? YES. It's in Wellington and I just so badly need something new in a space that actually cares about people.

Cities are defunding and disbanding police here and that is so good. My city, meanwhile, is stuck with a mayor who is all in on "support blue" so I doubt that will happen but also maybe we can vote her punk ass out of office next go-around.

All I want to do is work on things that are not the thing I am doing right now. So like I want to work on lyrics cos I'm stuck in meetings. So maybe I'll work to knock it out during our "break out" solo work sessions cos I definitely have mostly been playing Animal Crossing with these breaks.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Buried 


archived:  05 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Today is a Friday. Huh. Friday. I have completely lost track of time.

I posted our second single yesterday. It looks like it's up on everything but Spotify so far, but it should be there soon. I have a few services bookmarked on our  band's site . I'll add more as I come across them. What can I say,  Distrokid  does a great job of putting music EVERYWHERE. If you make music you should totally consider using them as distro.

I am working on finishing this chapter for my thesis. My advisor was super kind and understanding as I had a meltdown in our remote meeting yesterday. We spent most of the time talking about pets and book clubs.

I'm going to go eat and take a shower. I guess I've reached a point where I'm sick of just being a slug. I also want to work on lyrics for the album we're going to be putting out. So I'm gonna go do that, too.

Fuck the police.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Depths of the Badlands 


archived:  03 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

The second toadlilies single (3 songs) will be out later this week. I'm excited. We're working on an album right now, but that's probably gonna be a month or 2 out from release. I hope 5 songs can tide y'all over.

I'm looking at the clock and it's only 9:41 and I'm ready to get to work on this damn chapter. I gotta get it done today. That's my goal.

I'm waiting in queue on  turnip exchange  for 640 turnip prices. The person whose queue I'm in seems very kind (not requiring a tip, not requiring a stupid discord account) but they also didn't establish a time limit and it's like fuck I'm gonna be in this queue foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Capitalism a really motherfucker, even in video games.

I'm feeling okay today. I'm happy cos our old cat who seemed Very Ill two weeks ago is doing much better now that I'm giving her subcutaneous fluids and aluminum hydroxide every day. She even cuddled on the bed with us last night. She used to sleep with us every night and the last couple weeks she's slept in our closet instead. She didn't stay with us all night, but she hung out while we watched teevee. It was nice.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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 Just to Make Sure 


archived:  02 June 2020 
tagged:  Writing 

Sorry I've been absent. A lot has been going on in  the US . In  my own city  a murderer was released without charges here on Monday and the police are brutalizing peaceful protesters. I am very tired.

I went to a check up with my surgeon today. He said the numbness in my hand is pretty normal, but if it doesn't go away in the next 3 months he'll recommend me to a neurologist. It's weird to think that this only happened 6 months ago (to the day), in the long long ago before Covid times.

I am continuing to fail to get my work done in a timely manner for my thesis proposal defense and just can't even bring myself to care. I just don't care about anything right now. OH WELL I GUESS.

Please be safe.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

Stay safe.

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