::: paeneultima ::: create ::: 

 01 October 2018 - Trying 

file under: writing

October is such a fraught month for me.

Emotionally, nostalgically, historically I love this month. I love Halloween, I love all the spookiness.

However, psychologically this month has been a disaster for me for the last....10 or so YEARS?

I have finally come to terms with being seasonally affected, and I think my love of spookiness has permanently and irrevocably been superceded by the trauma of losing so much sunlight and being trapped with darkness surrounding me metaphorically AND literally.

I am going to order one of those fancy emotion stabilizing lamps, and I am going to try to keep busy. Busy has seen me through a lot. I am hoping it can help to see me through this.

More than anything, I am working on being self-aware about the entire process.

It might be weird and it's probably psychosomatic, but I have been taking my vitamin D every day, started taking a multivitamin, and been consistently following a simple self-care routine both morning and night and it's done a lot for my awareness of my emotional states.

Here's to more of that in October of 2018.

 25 September 2018 - Unveiling 

file under: writing

I've built websites before, but never in this scope, or in this service. Prior to a website I've had spaces like livejournal to write out my thoughts longform.

Fast-forward to the introduction of twitter. I got really good at brevity. Who needed paragraphs when I could be insightful and incisive and witty in 140 characters? It broke my brain for writing for quite some time. I neglected livejournal like everyone neglected livejournal. It took me YEARS to realize my error, and by then we'd all commited livejournal to the soil.

I'm not including f*c*b**k here because I only really ever used it as a way to post my tweets there and I deleted it back in 2007 and so I don't really consider it a part of my online journey.

I left twitter for  mastodon  10 months ago and haven't looked back. It is not perfect, but it is better.

I am still lonely for that deeper level of interaction that livejournal gave me. I considered tinyletter, but I'm not SOMEBODY, and tinyletter is for peopler who are SOMEBODY.

Years and years ago I dabbled in html and coding and if you're an old using brinkster for free server space. Before that I had the requisite geocities site. I called it "Sahler's Moon" after a street in my city that I'd never driven on, and a show I've never, to this date, watched. I built some pretty ugly websites which have long since disappeared into the magical ether of Olde Tyme Internette. And I enjoyed all of it.

So I've put together my love of The Olde Webbe aesthetic with a stripped down, hopefully immersive experience, both for myself, and for you, dear reader.

 25 September 2018 - The Story Behind the Background 

file under: art

I spent a lot of 2015 working on pixel art by way of spreadsheets. It was a good way for me to both push myself artistically and to compartmentalize a very stressful year of work. I enjoy the levels of micromanagement involved in making the images Just Right.

I spent as much time working on iterations of the pieces as I did on creating the original images, sometimes more. It's really soothing to just make patterns and see how they can work in a larger setting.

Below is the background image of this website, as well as its iterations. It's one of my favorites, tho definitely not the only thing I've made. This was originally produced on 30 January 2015. I have them in order of creation. Grid Loom Love, the background of this site, is the final iteration.

The iterations, named, in order are: Grid Lock Love // Grid Love Lost // Grid Loom Love. What can I say, when I'm on my sad!shit I'm on my sad!shit.

 24 September 2018 - Indoor Gardening @ Work 

file under: plants

I trimmed up my plants at work and thought it's as good a time as any to get cracking on adding pictures to this page. I used to work in a greenhouse, and I love having living things around me, especially with winter encroaching and the days getting shorter.

Some Close Ups

The first plant is my Dieffenbachia. She's made it through summers outdoors (in a shady spot) and winters indoors and is looking extra sparky at the moment. The second is my Monstera. I am sad to say that she's struggling and I'm still not quite sure how make her happy. Third is my Jade and one of the two babies currently growing in her pot. I usually overwater my succulents (I can be a smotherer at times), and I'm really excited that she's doing so well!

One More Close Up & My Indoor "Garden" Table

The first plant is my Polka Dot plant. She WAS about 70 cm tall, but the flowers were waning, and she was getting leggy. So she's trimmed down to some nice, new growth back at her base. The remaining pics in this row are of my entire table garden. I don't remember what all of them are, but drop me a line and I'll do some digging/identifying.

More Indoor "Garden" Pics

More views and angles on my table garden at work. :D