October is such a fraught month for me.
Emotionally, nostalgically, historically I love this month. I love Halloween, I love all the spookiness.
However, psychologically this month has been a disaster for me for the last....10 or so YEARS?
I have finally come to terms with being seasonally affected, and I think my love of spookiness has permanently and irrevocably been superceded by the trauma of losing so much sunlight and being trapped with darkness surrounding me metaphorically AND literally.
I am going to order one of those fancy emotion stabilizing lamps, and I am going to try to keep busy. Busy has seen me through a lot. I am hoping it can help to see me through this.
More than anything, I am working on being self-aware about the entire process.
It might be weird and it's probably psychosomatic, but I have been taking my vitamin D every day, started taking a multivitamin, and been consistently following a simple self-care routine both morning and night and it's done a lot for my awareness of my emotional states.
Here's to more of that in October of 2018.
I've built websites before, but never in this scope, or in this service. Prior to a website I've had spaces like
livejournal to write out my thoughts longform.
Fast-forward to the introduction of twitter. I got really good at brevity. Who needed paragraphs when I could be insightful and incisive and witty in 140 characters? It broke my brain for writing for quite some time. I neglected
livejournal like everyone neglected livejournal. It took me YEARS to realize my error, and by then we'd all commited livejournal to the soil.
I'm not including f*c*b**k here because I only really ever used it as a way to post my tweets there and I deleted it back in 2007 and so I don't really consider it a part of my online journey.
I left twitter for mastodon 10 months ago and haven't looked back. It is not perfect, but it is better.
I am still lonely for that deeper level of interaction that
livejournal gave me. I considered tinyletter, but I'm not SOMEBODY, and tinyletter is for peopler who are SOMEBODY.
Years and years ago I dabbled in html and coding and if you're an old using brinkster for free server space. Before that I had the requisite geocities site. I called it "Sahler's Moon" after a street in my city that I'd never driven on, and a show I've never, to this date, watched. I built some pretty ugly websites which have long since disappeared into the magical ether of Olde Tyme Internette. And I enjoyed all of it.
So I've put together my love of The Olde Webbe aesthetic with a stripped down, hopefully immersive experience, both for myself, and for you, dear reader.
I spent a lot of 2015 working on pixel art by way of spreadsheets. It was a good way for me to both push myself artistically and to compartmentalize a very stressful year of work. I enjoy the levels of micromanagement involved in making the images Just Right.
I spent as much time working on iterations of the pieces as I did on creating the original images, sometimes more. It's really soothing to just make patterns and see how they can work in a larger setting.
Below is the background image of this website, as well as its iterations. It's one of my favorites, tho definitely not the only thing I've made. This was originally produced on 30 January 2015. I have them in order of creation. Grid Loom Love, the background of this site, is the final iteration.
The iterations, named, in order are: Grid Lock Love // Grid Love Lost // Grid Loom Love. What can I say, when I'm on my sad!shit I'm on my sad!shit.