::: paeneultima ::: create ::: 

|| May 2021 ||  >> April 2021 >> 


 Should've Kept Running 


archived:  17 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

Spouse's brother went home yesterday, thank god. I am so exhausted from sharing space. And I am on day 2 of what I'm guessing will be a week-long migraine cos it's supposed to rain all god damn week.

I've used my PS5 like 6 times, and 3 of those times I was fighting horrible stick drift. So I guess I'm buying a new controller today. FFS

It is too early for me to be as irritated as I am with a person I have to work with for the next month. I am not even supposed to be logged into work yet.

I'm gonna set myself up with a nice ASMR playlist while I get prepped for today.

Oh and I have to take a stupid driving course cos I got singled out in a sea of folks all driving the same 15 mph over the speed limit cos that's how we all drive here. SIGH. I guess I'm grateful to covid cos at least I can do this online and ignore it in a background tab as opposed to losing an entire Saturday.

I'm going to go and try to not be a dick to all these people I have to meet and train today.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



 Pattern Recognition 


archived:  14 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

Whoops moved a couch like 4 times on Wednesday and overstressed the muscles in the arm I broke back in Jan 2020 and convinced myself I had re-broken it. I ended up getting x-rays yesterday just to make sure I didn't ruin it. Spoiler alert: it's fine. Thank goodness.

Spouse's brother is in town to get stuff out of the house as we prep it for sale. (Don't worry, we're all vaxed.) Very first trip in the elevators at our apartment and he cusses out someone cos they're vaping. Now, to be fair, this is a non-smoking building. BUT COME THE FUCK ON. I have to live here! Jesus fucking christ.

And I just hate sharing my space. I feel like I can't do anything (by anything I mean farting loudly and whenever I want).

Anyway anyway he leaves on Sunday and I'm so grateful. I just. He's fine. I just. If he weren't related we'd not be friends. We have nothing in common. He and his wife are very granola, woo-adjacent, "gotta drink our bone broth" kind of people and we just aren't? Idk it's all awkward. I am trying to not be a pain in the ass.

He's really into public health and claims to care about science but then also says "The CDC keeps contradicting themselves" when no. That's not how science works. Our understandings are always evolving and changing and you have to accept that what we "knew" yesterday could be vastly different from what we "know" today and to boil it down to "but it's different today, which makes them stupid and bad" is so fucking ignorant. Christ.

Like how we are seeing more and more reports about people getting covid even when vaxed. Now there are a number of reasons. No vaccine is 100%. There are different strains. Etc, etc. So spouse and I continue to mask when we are out. I am not willing to eat at a restaurant, even outdoors. BiL is chafing because he wants to go eat at a patio and I just fucking refuse. Plus he has the palate of a child who only eats paleo and so he only wants to eat boring white people food and that is just not my fucking life.

Okay I'm going to stop complaining now. I have work I should do.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



 Tight-Knit 


archived:  12 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

My motion sickness is getting out of control. I was watching a YT video and now I feel like I'm going to die. I guess I should bring this up to my doctor.

Yesterday after I posted I accidentally flooded my apartment cos I started filling up my watering can and walked away and forgot. Normally I put it in the sink, but this time I did it on the counter. RIP. On the plus side, the floor is laminate, so it wasn't ruined and our rug is FINALLY almost done drying after a full 24 hours propped up on our kitchen chairs. NEVER AGAIN. Fuck.

I'm offf to try to record another track for our album before I have to go to a couple of meetings I don't care about. 4 songs to go!

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



 Time Flew By 


archived:  11 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

I am halfway through recording vocals for our songs for the new album. I am excited. I am going to try to record more vocals in the spaces between meetings this week because next month of weeks is just so damn hectic. So yeah.

I did finish getting all of the levels for the previous season of Destiny 2 before the new season starts today. I feel both accomplished and kind of like a trash person. Womp. Like all I want to do is play it, but it also isn't ~productive~ so I guess I just indulge and then hate myself. Wheeeeee.

Started set 2 of my teeth aligners yesterday. Achey but not nearly as terrible as the first set. I'm excited to have Nice Straight Teeth again.

I'm going to go water my plants and make sure they're looking sparky. I trimmed them up yesterday and put some into a jar of water, but I think I might just let them go? Idk I don't actually want any vines but also I have a hard time letting plants go, even if it's just a stray offshoot.

Everything has officially survived and is thriving post-move except my string of pearls. Can't figure out if I'm over- or underwatering but I guess losing 1 out of 25 isn't terrible.

I also need to figure out how to damp this headache. My usually 800mg of ibuprofen ain't cutting it. Blech.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



 Subsequent Explosions 


archived:  10 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

Happy Monday. With sincerity. I have had a good day because, while I have a lot of work to do, I don't have many meetings (hardly any at all) so I'm able to interface with my actual work at my own pace and it is very nice.

I'm going to try to record some vocals for our new album. I'm extremely self-conscious and this is my first time doing it in our new apartment and I AM VERY NERVOUS.

Anyway, I'm super tired because I get up too damn early, so I'm gonna capitalize on what energy I have left before it's gone.

I learned that my moon cactus (it was a gift, those things are stupid) base is a dragon fruit cactus?! So now I have this bb that is growing like BANANAS fast and getting really big and I need to decide on how to replant it so that it will grow more upright as oppose to literally out to the sides. I had no idea. But putting those color cactus, which grow really slow, onto a dragon fruit cactus, which grows really fast, is awful. Either the "stem" dies because it doesn't get enough water, or the "top" dies because it is getting too much. Thanks capitalism, for continuing to ruin absolutely everything at all times.

I am also extremely nauseous because 7 hours ago I tried to do a thing in Destiny 2 and I was standing too close to the screen (I was trying to block sun glare) and got dizzy because my propensity toward motion sickness is slowly approaching completely debilitating??? So fun.

Off to record vocals, which is less crabby-making.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



 Gotta Get Away 


archived:  07 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

So when I supercharge my phone using my laptop charger it bleeds off the charge super fast. So I guess I'm going to stop doing that now. Hahaha

I got up early today because I have been up at like 4:30 to 5 am every day and I just lay in bed until I fall back to sleep and I decided that that was stupid. YMMV, but I feel really good. Like, I am Morning Person. Obnoxiously so, maybe. I love watching the sun rise. Shoot it into my veins.

Oh nooooo I'm going back and listening to a song I recorded vocals for for our new album and I need to...fix some things.

This update was going to be longer but I need to work on music.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



 Where We Are 


archived:  06 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

I switched over to a Spotify duo plan, but I think I might just accustom myself to using Bandcamp. It's not a Joe Rogan platforming trash company that barely compensates us for our music. I am spoiled by shuffle and playlist and honestly I could be a Better Consumer/Appreciator of albums and artists. I can put the money I save NOT subscribing to Spotify to supporting artists on Bandcamp.

In work news, today is 7 fucking consecutive hours of meetings. I am so fucking tired already. I have this micro break for like 20 minutes and I've already been in meetings for 3 hours. Deliver me from Zoom, please. On the plus side, tomorrow is a mandatory no-meetings day. I am so excited to just listen to  Junglepussy  on repeat at my fucking leisure for 8 hours. And Japanese Breakfast . And all of  my own music .

I gotta say, I haven't felt this excited about music in a long time. Spotify ruins music. A la carte bullshit ruins music. I guess I should also re-examine my relationship to Netflix, etc.

I think that tomorrow I'm gonna push real hard to get the vocals done for our next album. Maybe this weekend I will dedicate it to buidling up/working our online presence. I don't even know if anyone reads this website and it's the only place I do promotion? What a silly person I am.

I am struggling with whether to create a personal bandcamp for buying folks' music, or if it is better/makes more sense to do it through our label profile? The internet is hard, y'all.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



 No Friend's Stranger 


archived:  05 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

People who develop cat medicine in pill form are sadists. One of our cats has a viral sinus thing, so, like malaria, I have to give her pills for a week straight every time she has a flare up from now to....forever. SIGH. I am grateful we are in a place financially where I can just drop $200 whenever on our pets. I mean, we always did, but now it doesn't hurt or cause me to have to juggle bills like a madwoman.

I don't want to work today. At all. It's fine, I am just very fucking tired.

I don't have anything interesting to say that isn't work-related, and that is depressing. I need to give myself more concerted time to do me things and be a person who doesn't just work and sleep.

I was complaining to a friend group in chat earlier about how I wish I didn't hate running, and one of my friends was going on and on about how she wants to be fit but her body "won't let her." Now, this makes me bonkers cos she's also a hypochondriac. Think Xenobia in Ethan Frome. Just very desperate for attention. Anyway, I know I'm not fit cos I'm lazy. BUT my disdain for another person's lies about how they "can't" when they just don't want to may push me over the edge.

My prime motivators are disdain and anger, so I guess whatever gets the ol' engine humming. I'm now looking to subscribe to  Darebee  (they are good folks) and being like "yeah I hate running but now I'm running marathons" because I'm a petty petty petty person.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



 Right Before 


archived:  04 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

Side effects seem to have abated. Aside from my rash from dose 1, which is hanging on for dear life. I suppose I am impressed by the tenacity. I really hope I don't develop a rash from dose 2 another 2 weeks out. I'd prefer to be done with side effects.

Today the sun is out but it is chilly. This is a crummy trade off, IMO, BUT sunshine >>>>> so I'll stop whining.

I have to take Hello to the vet today. She is our cat who loves my spouse best, and doesn't even like to be in the same room as me. So catching her and putting her into her carrier is going to be A DELIGHT. Spouse is at his first day of federal jury duty, so he couldn't help even if he wanted to. She has this persistent upper respiratory infection that even 21 days of meds didn't treat. She is sneezy and mucusy all the time and it's gross as well as, I'm sure, unpleasant for her. So off to the vet we shall go.

Nothing much else going on. I am just perpetually buried until 14-16 hours of work that I'll never be caught up on. But I guess that's the definition of job security.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



 Those Who Pass On 


archived:  03 May 2021 
tagged:  Writing 

Happy May. It's gloomy today but that's okay.

Spouse and I got our 2nd doses of Pfizer yesterday. His arm is sore. I had a fever spike up to 100.1F before I thought to take my temperature and then hastened to get it under control with copious (doctor-recommended) amounts of ibuprofen. I still have a fever today, but it was at 99.3F when I took it this morning and is now back down to 98.0F (I run at 97.8F) within a couple of hours.

All this is to say that I am not at all remorseful about getting vaccinated. Though I will say that there are definitely groups of people I don't tell about this because I know that too many people hover on the edge of being anti-vaxers, and my TOTALLY NORMAL AND WITHIN EXPECTATIONS side effects will NOT be used to sway them into some anti-science bullshit. I'll be fine. And soon I'll be able to get my hair cut and get my nails done (all while still wearing a mask because I believe in courtesy), but where I won't be in a panic for being near other human beings.

Spouse finds out around noon today if he has to report for federal jury duty. Well, finds out if he has to show up this week. Federal jury duty requires being on hand and on call for an entire month. Fucking wild. I hope he doesn't get sequestered. I am also disgusted because he only gets compensated $35/day, which is $4.38 an hour, barely more than HALF of federal minimum wage. How is that even legal? (I could look it up, maybe I will). Okay, looked it up. It's cos jury duty isn't employment. The money is to offset the costs (gas/food). Fucking bonkers.

Anyway, I'm gonna go drink a gallon of water. My temperature may be down, but I'm sweating like a pig, and normally I'm cold, so I can tell I'm still fighting through this.

Please:

Be kind to yourself.

Fuck the police.

Keep social distancing.

Wash your hands.

Wear a mask.

GET VACCINATED.

Stay safe.

 back to top  //  main 



|| May 2021 ||  >> April 2021 >>